Nearly one in five UK gay and bisexual men reports being sexually abused or assaulted at some point in their lives*, often by someone they knew. The most common place it happens in is in their home or the attacker's home, but it could happen anywhere (including within a relationship).

Preventing sexual assault

Often there's nothing someone could have done to avoid being assaulted. But for advice on reducing the risks click here.

After a sexual assault

Urgent

It's important to remember that although it's a very understandable urge, you should avoid washing yourself or your clothes as this removes DNA evidence that could be very useful later if you wanted your attacker brought to justice.

If you feel you're at risk of HIV infection, don't waste any time. Post Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP) could stop you becoming HIV positive if you start taking it as soon as possible (and no later than 72 hours after the assault). You can read more about PEP here.

Feelings

Common reactions after being assaulted can be feeling dirty and wanting to get clean. You might feel the need to tell someone what's happened, or feel unable to tell anyone. You might want to stay where you feel safe, preferring to not go out and avoiding people or situations that remind you of what happened. It can leave you not trusting or wanting to get close to others. Some people find themselves wanting to make major changes in where or how they live, who they mix with and so on.

It's common to feel disorientated, not knowing what to do or where to turn. Feeling you're the only man this has happened to is common too, as is questioning your masculinity or sexual identity and blaming yourself, including for being gay or bisexual. You might ask why it was you who was attacked, or feel guilty or ashamed about what's happened.

You may have trouble with sleeping, nightmares, reliving the attack or not eating (or comfort eating). Some men try to cope through alcohol or drugs, or may develop depression or feel unable to carry on.

'Keeping it all in' by staying silent and withdrawing from people might be another way of trying to cope. Or it may come out in feeling angry - not always against the attacker but towards yourself or those close to you. Thoughts of getting revenge, justice or hurting the attacker can occupy your mind.

And when it comes to sex you may feel uncomfortable about your body and not want sex, or, if you do want it, you may experience sexual difficulties. This can lead to having less sex, or the opposite: sex with lots of partners.

These feelings might last weeks, months or years but they usually get less over time.

A great deal of stress can come from feeling you need to talk about what's happened but also wanting to keep it secret. This is where professional help is useful. You can offload onto someone who isn't closely connected to you.

*18% report sexual abuse as children or adults. 1999 Gay Men's Sex Survey, Sigma Research