The sex session

These tips keep it raunchy not risky:

• being prepared
• HIV status
• sex acts
• safe words
• PEP

Being prepared

Using internet messaging to go over a scene in advance can be a turn-on and lets you both go into detail before meeting about what to expect. Be wary of a man who won't do this, or is in a hurry to get on with things.

Before you meet (ideally), or before sex starts, discuss:

• Your position on safer sex (such as condoms, latex gloves if fisting, whether coming in the mouth is OK).
• Any health or other things that might cause problems during a scene (asthma, epilepsy, breathing problems, allergies to latex, claustrophobia, fears of certain things, bad experiences in the past etc).
• Your limits - (what sex acts you're OK/not OK doing, how far you want to go in terms of pain, force etc). Men who say they have no limits are either lying or should be avoided.

Take condoms and lube with you. You might not be planning a fuck but if it happens you should be prepared.

HIV status

Remember that if his or your HIV status comes up before sex, any answers may not be accurate, because:

• People can lie to get the sex they want.
• People can believe their HIV status to be the opposite of what it is.
• Around one in three of us with HIV doesn't realise we have it.
• The last HIV test someone had may have been negative but they could've become HIV positive since then without realising.
• If HIV isn't mentioned, assuming you must both be the same is very risky and is how many of us got HIV

Sex acts

Find out all about new sex acts before agreeing to them. It's not a good idea to experiment with the wilder stuff with someone who's a beginner themselves. Bondage and fisting can go wrong, and breath control can kill.

Scenes under the influence of drugs or booze can end with both men hurting or being hurt more than they'd want if sober.

Safe words

Agree a code word or gesture that means 'slow down' or 'stop'. You probably won't need it, but if you do and nothing's been agreed you could be in trouble.

The safe word/code should be something that won't be misunderstood. Good examples are words or phrases that aren't associated with sex, or the traffic light system:

• 'green' means carry on
• 'orange' means carry on but be careful, I'm reaching my limit
• 'red' means stop now.

Avoid 'stop', 'no' and so on as he may think you're only pretending not to like it.

A gesture should be agreed if you're going to be unable to speak in a bondage scene.

PEP

Waste no time in considering Post Exposure Prophylaxis (PEP) if you have sex without a condom or one breaks and you think there's a chance HIV might be passed on. PEP is a treatment that can stop someone becoming HIV positive if taken quick enough. Find out more about PEP here.

Want to know more?

For more sound advice check out the Recon website: click on safety tips at the bottom of the home page