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Can’t be fucked

If being fucked just isn’t your thing, then that’s not a problem. It’s your right to have the sex you want – and say no to sex you don’t want. All you need is to find a guy whose sexual likes match yours.

But some guys would like to be fucked but can’t, either because it hurts or they’re not comfortable having their arse played with. There can be different reasons for this:

  • Maybe you or your partner need a few pointers – hopefully you’ve learnt a few tips here.
  • Maybe you need to practise on your own exploring your arse with a finger or something larger.
  • Maybe there’s a medical reason (such as haemorrhoids).
  • Often men feel anxious about someone touching their arse. Perhaps they see it as dirty and can’t relax enough to make being fucked comfortable. There are ways to reduce the mess of anal sex: check out the section on Douching and enemas.

Maybe things go deeper than these reasons. Bad sexual experiences in the past (including sexual abuse or assault) can effect your sex life now. If so, you could probably do with help sorting things out. Look for a sex therapist or counsellor with experience in these situations. Find out more on our page on getting help with sex problems.

Things to know

Unprotected or bareback fucking is how the great majority of gay men get HIV. Condoms are very good at stopping the spread of the virus.

Taking Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) before being exposed to HIV means there’s enough drug inside you to block HIV if it gets into your body – before it has the chance to infect you. Though PrEP doesn’t protect you against STIs. Find out more about PrEP.

If you have HIV, a number of studies have proven that if you’re taking HIV medication as prescribed and have an undetectable viral load, you cannot pass HIV on to your partner, with or without a condom.

Around one in ten gay/bisexual men don’t have anal sex in any one year*.

Getting fucked does not make someone’s arse hole noticeably looser than men who don’t.

Getting fucked isn’t a major cause of piles (haemorrhoids).

*Gay Men’s Sex Survey 2008, Sigma Research

Last review: 25/09/2018
Next review: 25/09/2021